One of the dirty little secrets of managing is that, over time, you’ll do more managing up and out than down. But that’s easier said than done. What are some important lessons learned about managing up?
I recommend Dan and Chip Heath’s article in FastCompany entitled, “Your Boss is a Monkey“. They take lessons from Amy Sutherland’s book What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage and apply them to managing “another irritable mammal: your boss.”
A couple observations that aligns with how we coach leaders:
- Every interaction is training. We are constantly sending out signals to those we work with. I’m not talking about some mystical energy here. Rather, we are constantly reinforcing lessons to those around us. If we let Bob slip in 2 hours late each morning without any discussion, you’ve taught Bob and everyone else around him a lesson: getting to work on time isn’t really that important. If we keep delivering miracles to make up for lack of process in the organization, we reinforce the belief that all that process stuff is a waste of time. What messages have you inadvertently been sending lately?
- Reinforce good behavior! This seems so obvious but we often miss opportunities to catch people doing things right! We can be black belt whiners, for sure. Reinforcing your positive expectations of people can lead to them living and performing up to your expectations. Call out the good when you see it.
I’d like to think that we humans are less susceptible to the type of manipulation that the authors are suggesting. Yet in practice I’ve seen it work over and over. I’m working with a coaching client right now that is learning to flip her boss a mango when he delegates instead of micro-manages. Over time, I’m optimistic there will be progress.
Keep in mind that the “monkey” article’s advice to “ignore the bad behavior” has limitations. There’s wisdom in not over-reacting. Counting to 10 (or 100) has saved many careers!
Yet “apparent indifference” does not always “smother the fire.” In fact, for some bosses, it will pour fuel on the fire as it sends the signal that you don’t care. Though the Heaths discount aligning styles and expectations as techniques, there is enormous leverage in understanding the art and science of such approaches. They are too critical to chalk up as “goody-two-shoe” training grovel.
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