{"id":463,"date":"2018-04-17T11:38:12","date_gmt":"2018-04-17T16:38:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/?p=463"},"modified":"2018-04-17T12:44:52","modified_gmt":"2018-04-17T17:44:52","slug":"a-practical-way-to-build-relationships-even-when-youre-short-on-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/a-practical-way-to-build-relationships-even-when-youre-short-on-time\/","title":{"rendered":"A Practical Way to Build Relationships (Even When You\u2019re Short on Time)"},"content":{"rendered":"

The dirty little secret of business is that it\u2019s all done on relationships.\u00a0In our first article in this series<\/a>, the bottom-line was that you can\u2019t afford to\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0take the time to invest in this critical aspect of your career.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s the rub, isn\u2019t it? It takes time. And who has enough slack in their work week to add yet something more?<\/p>\n

\u201cRelationship-building? Great idea. I just don\u2019t have the time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

But Is It A Time Issue?<\/h2>\n

This is a bit personal but let me ask you a question. Prior walking into work, did you brush your teeth? Take a bath or shower?<\/p>\n

I realize that norms vary by culture, but here\u2019s the point of my prying question. We take care of at least basic personal hygiene before work because there\u2019s typically a return on that investment of time in the morning! Most of us don\u2019t roll out of bed and say, \u201cSorry! I just don\u2019t have time to get cleaned up today!\u201d (Unless, perhaps, when we\u2019re working from home without any meetings with webcams!)<\/p>\n

When I work with executive coaching clients and audiences around the world, nearly everyone agrees about the importance of relationship-building, as an idea. But, in practice, it\u2019s often not perceived as sufficiently valuable to justify the investment of time.<\/p>\n

Over the years I\u2019ve had the distinct privilege of interviewing some of the top leadership thought leaders of our time, and one highlight is Dr. Ed Schein. Ed, who is now in his nineties, is the guy who coined the term\u00a0corporate culture<\/em>. It was like talking to Yoda.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

One of the most important lessons I learned from Dr. Schein is the dynamics of learning and anxiety. \u201cLearning anxiety comes from being afraid to try something new for fear that it will be too difficult, that we will look stupid in the attempt, or that we will have to part from old habits that have worked for us in the past.\u201d* Forget about trying to talk people out of learning anxiety. It\u2019s the basis for resistance to change.<\/p>\n

Ah, but there\u2019s also survival anxiety: \u201cthe horrible realization that in order to make it, you\u2019re going to have to change.\u201d* His thesis is that\u00a0learning<\/em>\u00a0only happens when\u00a0survival anxiety<\/em>is greater than\u00a0learning anxiety<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Take a moment and let that idea soak in. You\u2019re most likely to go through the inconvenience of learning something new when you think your survival depends on it.<\/p>\n

Your Survival Depends on Relationship-Building<\/h2>\n

Stop thinking about relationship-building as a nice idea. Think of it as one of the top skills you need for career survival.<\/p>\n

You are one acquisition or economic crisis or management change or automation disruption away from looking for a job. That next career opportunity will likely come because of a relationship.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not just about job hunting.<\/p>\n

Mentors can radically boost your ability to navigate an increasingly complex business world. Broader relationships expose you to innovative ideas, provide early warnings about upcoming changes, and ease your ability to influence outcomes.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

An Idea and An Exercise<\/h2>\n

Since you\u2019re tight on time, here\u2019s an idea: leverage something you\u2019re already doing. Meetings are not just for information sharing and decision-making. Think of them as relationship-building opportunities. If you arrive before the meeting starts, seek out someone you don\u2019t know as well and sit by them. Ask questions to learn more about them. I like to ask people, \u201cWhat\u2019s something good from the last week?\u201d It gets them talking, primes the discussion to be positive, and provides an opportunity to celebrate with the person–all of which are powerful ingredients of relationship-building.<\/p>\n

Even if you sit by someone you know well, ask some questions. Follow-up with them about something they may have mentioned before (e.g., \u201cYou mentioned your family was going to get some time away. How was your trip?\u201d). Avoid bringing the focus back to yourself (Celeste Headlee calls this\u00a0conversational narcissism<\/a>).<\/p>\n

Beyond that, carve out 15 minutes for a network audit, an exercise described in Herminia Ibarra\u2019s book\u00a0Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader.<\/em>\u00a0Here\u2019s how it works:<\/p>\n

Identify up to 10 people with whom you have discussed important work matters over the last few months. Perhaps you went for advice. Or used them as a sounding board. You don\u2019t have to identify 10, and don\u2019t try to think of who\u00a0should\u00a0<\/em>be on the list. Only list people to whom you have recently turned for help.<\/p>\n

Now, look that list over. What does it say to you about your network? What are the strengths of your network, as it exists today? What are the weaknesses?<\/p>\n

One observation I took from my first network audit exercise: I don\u2019t go for advice nearly enough. If I was truthful about how I actually went about work, the list of advisors I sought over the last few months was strikingly short.<\/p>\n

I also realized that the network was not nearly as diverse as it should be. Here I mean not only gender or racial diversity. I also mean cognitive diversity. Departmental diversity. Job level diversity. Experience diversity.<\/p>\n

A network audit is an easy exercise to skip. Don\u2019t. Try it and see what it tells you.<\/p>\n

Your survival may just depend on what you learn.<\/p>\n

What stands out to you from this article? Please leave a comment to join the discussion. If you found this helpful, share this article with your colleagues. Keep an eye out for our next article as we continue this series on relationship-building.<\/em><\/p>\n

Andy Kaufman works with clients around the world to help them lead teams and deliver projects. He is the host of the acclaimed\u00a0<\/em>People and Projects Podcast\u00a0which provides interviews and insights to help people lead and deliver. Learn more at<\/em>http:\/\/PeopleAndProjectsPodcast.com<\/em><\/a>\u00a0or listen on any podcast app. If you have an upcoming large group meeting, learn more about having Andy speak at\u00a0<\/em>http:\/\/i-leadonline.com\/keynotes<\/em><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

* The quotes are from Diane Couto’s Harvard Business Review article \u201cThe Anxiety of Learning\u201d (available online at\u00a0<\/em>https:\/\/hbr.org\/2002\/03\/the-anxiety-of-learning<\/em><\/a>). You can hear Dr. Schein talk about culture in episode 25 of the People and Projects Podcast (<\/em>http:\/\/PeopleAndProjectsPodcast.com\/25<\/em><\/a>).<\/em><\/p>\n

Our discussion with Herminia Ibarra about Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader is in episode 130 (<\/em>http:\/\/PeopleAndProjectsPodcast.com\/130<\/em><\/a>).<\/em><\/p>\n

Our discussion with Celeste Headlee about conversational narcissism is in episode 195 (<\/em>http:\/\/PeopleAndProjectsPodcast.com\/195<\/em><\/a>).<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The dirty little secret of business is that it\u2019s all done on relationships.\u00a0In our first article in this series, the bottom-line was that you can\u2019t afford to\u00a0not\u00a0take the time to invest in this critical aspect of your career. But that\u2019s the rub, isn\u2019t it? It takes time. And who has enough slack in their work… Continue Reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":472,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[53,6,59],"tags":[109,124,106,113],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/SmilingClockGuy.jpg?fit=2160%2C800","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p488Wj-7t","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/463"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=463"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/463\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":473,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/463\/revisions\/473"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.leadershipintherealworldblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}